Are you sociable, book lovers?

[heidiadonis]

I have 10 minutes for a break. Here is a quick question: are you sociable or socially-inept or sociable but rather read books than hang out with boring people? Literature lovers have the tendency to isolate themselves away from the crowd, I think. Even though some of their acquaintances may read books without your knowing, they would not take the trouble to find out. I mean, they do not reach out.

[Daniel del Real]

I go half and half. Sometimes I have the need to get away from people, be on my own and start reading or just being with myself. But after some time of doing that, there is a moment where I can't focus anymore in my reading so I have to get out, be with people.

[ferns_dad]

totally dependent on the folks. most non-intellectuals, not interested. most who have one or another artistic or scientific appreciations, yes.

[cactina]

i echo ferns_dad.

[Jayaprakash]

I am essentially shy and even a little misanthropic, but I can turn on the social mode when I want to. I mostly connect with people who share an interest either in literature, movies or music and have some broader interest in history, science and current events as well, so basically people I can have wide-ranging discussions with. However, I only catch up with my friends once a month or so so I really don't meet anyone on a regular basis except my wife and some professional contacts.

[heidiadonis]

I am essentially shy and even a little misanthropic, but I can turn on the social mode when I want to.

Me too! I used to be painfully shy and extremely proud. I could swap the adverbs to say that I used to be extremely shy and painfully proud. I got over those failings whose remnant is my awkwardness in a big crowd, but as you said, I can now "turn on the social mode" in a small familiar crowd.

How about making a new friend who may be like yourself but isolated. Would you not feel like reaching out sometimes to connect with them like Daniel del Real said below?

there is a moment where I can't focus anymore in my reading so I have to get out, be with people.

totally dependent on the folks. most non-intellectuals, not interested. most who have one or another artistic or scientific appreciations, yes.

What if there is a long-term friend who drifted away from your interests but who put extra effort to connect with you yet?

If you are a writer, you would definitely want to meet various people to learn more about them, right? That would be rather selfish though. I got recently curious about nurses and their jobs, having three nurse acquaintances, although I am not a writer. It is my curiosity and I am trying to reach out to them and see if we have anything in common.

[ferns_dad]

What if there is a long-term friend who drifted away from your interests but who put extra effort to connect with you yet?

happened more than once, sorry I have no time for what I consider to be boring people, even if very nice and very solicitous. I'd rather hang with 'yall and get slurred.

[Jayaprakash]

^ True. I have very little time for nice but boring people. I do have a lot of time for observing people, without in any way wanting to be any part of their lives.

[SlowRain]

I'm about as much a people person as Daniel Plainview was.

I don't require a lot of friends, I just require a few good ones. I like good conversation, and I seriously dislike banter or small-talk. I'm not a social butterfly. I usually seek out those who are not already part of any inner circle. I really enjoy people watching.

[miercuri]

I have my group of irreplaceable friends and I love spending time with them. I don't really like interacting with new people. I absolutely hate it when I am introduced to someone and they instantly start behaving as if we knew eachother for a lifetime. Once they do this, there's little chance I'll ever take to them.
It's different on the interwebs though, I am fond of forums. I met my boyfriend on a forum four years ago, we've been together three years now.

[Daniel del Real]

I have my group of irreplaceable friends and I love spending time with them. I don't really like interacting with new people. I absolutely hate it when I am introduced to someone and they instantly start behaving as if we knew eachother for a lifetime. Once they do this, there's little chance I'll ever take to them.
It's different on the interwebs though, I am fond of forums. I met my boyfriend on a forum four years ago, we've been together three years now.

Totally understand you, I'm just like you. It takes too long before I let you in a little bit in my life, I have an initial barrier for all people, don't know why.

Now, I have to confess that I always thought you were a boy , that has happened to me several times in this forum. I should create a thread about genders since nicks tend to be so androgynous

[miercuri]

Totally understand you, I'm just like you. It takes too long before I let you in a little bit in my life, I have an initial barrier for all people, don't know why.

Now, I have to confess that I always thought you were a boy , that has happened to me several times in this forum. I should create a thread about genders since nicks tend to be so androgynous

Aw, I am amused. It's alright, I guess that my nickname is indeed androginous and since English doesn't offer much grammatical variation when it comes to gender, it figures. It says I am a girl on my profile page though.
edit: it doesn't say actually, don't know why I remembered so...

[hdw]

If you are a writer, you would definitely want to meet various people to learn more about them, right? That would be rather selfish though.

I think it was Graham Greene who said that a writer needed a splinter of ice in the heart. Maybe he got that metaphor from H.C. Andersen's The Snow Queen.

The same idea, of a writer coldly observing someone with a view to writing about them, crops up in one of Ingmar Bergman's films, and in this case it's the man's mentally disturbed daughter. Is it Persona?

Harry

[beelzebubbles]

Miercuri, you could change your moniker to Bitchin' Babe or Hot Mama and dispel all doubt. I prefer the androgynous name. There is safety in obfuscation or at least the illusion of safety.

To answer the posted query, am I sociable? No.

Am I socially inept? I don't know.

Am I a misanthrope? No.

Do I seek out society? Yes, because society has never come looking for me. Why should it?

[Mirabell]

Yeah. Well. Most things I enjoy are rather solitary indoorsy stuff. Books. TV. Computer stuff. Writing. But I don't want to drink alone, so yeah, I do things with people. I haven't lived alone for six years, so I'm hardly ever completely alone. Troublingly, I don't need many people. 2-5 are quite enough. I'm quickly bored by people, and not skilled enough to hide it. But I'm not a misanthrope. Not sociable either, I guess.

[Beth]

heidiadonis, I hope you will keep reaching out to your nurse acquaintances.

To answer the posted query, am I sociable? Yes and no. I love people and enjoy being around them but also need quite a bit of alone time.

Am I socially inept? No. I think being someone who loves to read and think about fictional people translates into better social navigation and a more genuine nature. Strange, but some of the finest tools I've discovered for real life interaction have taken their initial shape from my reading.

Am I a misanthrope? Not at all. This does not make me boring, overly nice, or solicitous. I'm not vain enough to think that others are less interesting than myself. Even the most seemingly lackluster person has incredible stories to tell.

Do I seek out society? Yes. Like beelzebubbles says, it won't come knocking. It's okay to make things happen with other people, even if it hurts like hell sometimes.

[Jayaprakash]

I think it was Graham Greene who said that a writer needed a splinter of ice in the heart. Maybe he got that metaphor from H.C. Andersen's The Snow Queen.

The same idea, of a writer coldly observing someone with a view to writing about them, crops up in one of Ingmar Bergman's films, and in this case it's the man's mentally disturbed daughter. Is it Persona?

Harry

I don't remember if the exact phrase is right, but William S Burroughs described the writer as an invisible man, someone who was always observing the teeming life around him without being able to be part of it.

Maybe some such people have the talent to transform those observations into writing. Maybe the ones who don't have to spend excessive amounts of time reading, trying get a bearing on life from the observations of others of their kind.

A lot of writers and readers have been gregarious people though, so all this can only describe certain subset of the whole. There's a story in there someone.

[Stiffelio]

I am pretty sociable, to the extent that I've always had a conflicting dilemma. When I'm with friends and family, after a while i feel the need torush back home and sink into a book. But if I stay home for too long just reading I start itching all over and I need to get out and see a real person.

[heidiadonis]

Harry and Jayaprakash, are you saying there are some invisible writers lurking around the forum observing us? I would be glad to be at their service if my life somehow interests them. I am very observant of people but can't be invisible.

My socializing did not go well today, but I intend to make another attempt to meet the three nurses on Thursday when they are all off, Beth. They say they work only three days a week. Isn't that nice?

I agree with Stiffelio that one must interact with real people once in a while, even though one does not always succeed to connect with others. I remember in Howard Ends Margaret would happily close down her book whenever anyone needs her attention. I thought that was charming of a book lover like Margaret.

[gonfler]

I have no problem socializing. However, I'm not good at maintaining relations. There lies my problem.