Members' Writing

[phantasy]

Hate to start this thread off with my lousy poem. I have a feeling I am doing something wrong with it on a fundamental and more elaborate level. Some kind of response would be preferable.

You tied a knot into a graduate,
Flattened his hair, kiss-close, blood-red and young,
When you from his body away, his fate,
Your cotton socks receding from his tongue.
Your betrayal as he felt it lay hard,
And when you betrayed him his soul, cyan,
Thought itself a fairy-thing, crystal shard,
But ultimately the boy gave, just ran.
In daemoniac hour, from a thought red,
Your image but cyan, figures in dream,
Lying used upon the cushions of bed,
Your face contorted in a witches' scream.
Only death can save both from waking,
Only death can rape the cyan witchling.

 

[peter_d]

Hate to start this thread off with my lousy poem. I have a feeling I am doing something wrong with it on a fundamental and more elaborate level. Some kind of response would be preferable.

Interesting that noone ever opened a thread like this before. I'm not sure if it should be just a thread under general chat. Could this not be a section at the same level as general chat (and maybe not under the off topic forum)? And then create seperate sections for prose and poetry? Anyway, I'll leave that to the moderators.

Your poem evokes in me a feeling as if I am looking at a still from a horror film. I wondered if I could read it in two ways, a girl abused and killed by a young man after he felt betrayed, or a young innocent boy lying dead on a bed, brutally killed (suffocated?) by a witch-like woman, during or right before sex. "But ultimately the boy gave, just ran" is what made me think of the latter interpretation. He gave in to death, his soul ran away from his body. On the other hand, 'your face contorted in a witches' scream' can also be the dead face of the woman.

I like the use of the word cyan, it's very strong. The antithesis cyan-red (complementary colors) make it seem as if the world is reduced to these two colors. They say the soul is green when it leaves the body, I don't know if it's cyan-green, but I had that association. Also cyan evokes an association with cyanide, poison, adding to the horror-like image and feeling. I am not sure if the poem needs the use of the words death (twice) and 'rape' in the ending. Maybe it's too explicit, it was already clear that something quite violent had happened. To me it doesn't make it stronger. All in all it's powerful in evoking associations and images. It's also scary and reminding me of goth-subculture, which is why it is not entirely my cup of tea. But I can definately see it has something. Go on, I would say.

 

[SpaceCadet]

Hello Phantasy. As I have no background in literature I feel terribly shy about commenting on this work of yours. But here goes my impressions... Somehow, this poem reminded me of E.A.Poe' s poetry. Violent and passionate. I did not try to come up with any interpretation but my reading of it evokes something/a vision/a scene which is not entirely real, something lying between dream and reality.

 

[Ater Lividus Ruber & V]

Hey phantasy, since you seem to like mixing Classics with your poetry, I recommend you check out the Swedish poets Jesper Svenbro and Gunnar Ekelöf. I think you'd find much to admire in their works.

 

[Vitrvvivs]

I am researching the history of English literature for a book I would like to write. The book will consist of an introduction, a compendium, and an essay. The compendium will contain several examples of alliteration. It will not be ordered chronologically, but in order of intricacy. The most primitive use of alliteration will begin and the most intricate will end. Examples of early alliteration will be Coleridge and medieval poets, such as the Gawain poet (not to disparage them (I am not speaking about quality, but primitivism, which are not equal)). Examples of late alliteration will be Owen and Shakespeare. For this, I will need to conceive of a theory of alliterative intricacy, and translate this in to an essay, which will be the final part of the book.

It will take me one or two years to educate myself properly on the history of English literature, before I can progress to the stage of actually compiling a compendium of the examples. It will then take me another year or two to compile the examples. It will then take me a year to add explanatory footnotes to each example (for novices). The essay (and finally: the introduction) won't take too long to compose (although I need to improve my prose skills beforehand). Once I have completed the book, I could potentially post it in this thread (word count?) and if it is well received, if anyone could give me advice on publication, perhaps I could make some monetary gain, since I am working a minimum wage, part-time job in a library, and financial support could help me move out of Papa's cave.

 

[Ludus]

Hi, fellow WLFians!

I was very sad without the forum, I checked on it every day. Does anyone know what happened?

I am excited because the forum reopened and on the same day an italian (but multilingual) literary magazine published a very short story of mine, both in English and Spanish versions. I made the translation myself, so I hope I haven't messed anything up ?

EL REY LEPROSO by Leopoldo Orozco — HookMagazine

El día ya había terminado cuando me fue posible la entrada en sus aposentos. Al percatarse de la forma de mi nariz y la tonalidad de mi piel, los guardias auscultaron mi túnica en busca de cuchillos o pócimas letales, pensando que tal vez podría ser un enviado del rey sarraceno. A pesar de mi salvoc

www.hookliterarymagazine.com

Hope y'all like it! I'm eager to read your thoughts.

 

[Stewart]

I was very sad without the forum, I checked on it every day. Does anyone know what happened?

Yep. I had set something personal up on another folder on the same server, but the installation tool overwrote a file and changed a line to explicitly require a version of the PHP programming language above what the forum uses. I wasn't able to fix it sooner as was away for the weekend with no access to a computer.

 

[Leseratte]

Hi, fellow WLFians!

I was very sad without the forum, I checked on it every day. Does anyone know what happened?

I am excited because the forum reopened and on the same day an italian (but multilingual) literary magazine published a very short story of mine, both in English and Spanish versions. I made the translation myself, so I hope I haven't messed anything up ?

EL REY LEPROSO by Leopoldo Orozco — HookMagazine

El día ya había terminado cuando me fue posible la entrada en sus aposentos. Al percatarse de la forma de mi nariz y la tonalidad de mi piel, los guardias auscultaron mi túnica en busca de cuchillos o pócimas letales, pensando que tal vez podría ser un enviado del rey sarraceno. A pesar de mi salvoc

www.hookliterarymagazine.com

Hope y'all like it! I'm eager to read your thoughts.

I read both versions and I liked it very much. There is something uncanny about this character and the whole story. It seems everything has opposite meanings and that results in the tension of the story.

 

[Leseratte]

Yep. I had set something personal up on another folder on the same server, but the installation tool overwrote a file and changed a line to explicitly require a version of the PHP programming language above what the forum uses. I wasn't able to fix it sooner as was away for the weekend with no access to a computer.

Well, I´m relieved. I thought international forces dissatisfied with the Wolfie award where attacking the forum.

 

[DouglasM]

Hi, fellow WLFians!

I was very sad without the forum, I checked on it every day. Does anyone know what happened?

I am excited because the forum reopened and on the same day an italian (but multilingual) literary magazine published a very short story of mine, both in English and Spanish versions. I made the translation myself, so I hope I haven't messed anything up ?

EL REY LEPROSO by Leopoldo Orozco — HookMagazine

El día ya había terminado cuando me fue posible la entrada en sus aposentos. Al percatarse de la forma de mi nariz y la tonalidad de mi piel, los guardias auscultaron mi túnica en busca de cuchillos o pócimas letales, pensando que tal vez podría ser un enviado del rey sarraceno. A pesar de mi salvoc

www.hookliterarymagazine.com

Hope y'all like it! I'm eager to read your thoughts.

Loved it. This is my kind of stuff. So many things to talk about in these few paragraphs.
Congratulations, Luduspoldo! I hope to read more from you in the future, please do share with us your next writings.

 

[Benny Profane]

I noticed some influence of gothic literature (Jane Austen, George Elliot and Mary Shelley) and, principally, the conciseness of Jorge Luís Borges, Júlio Cortázar, Ernesto Sábato, Victoria Ocampo, Júlio Ramón Ribeyro, Juan Rulfo, Carlos Fuentes and Donald Barthelme, @Ludus.
The minimalism is notorious in your short story and it's very dense in the same way.

An advice? Go ahead, bro!

 

[Verkhovensky]

I was very sad without the forum, I checked on it every day.

Me too. I'm glad it was resolved.

Your story is good, thanks for sharing it with us! Also reminded me a bit of Borges.

I didn't know you published another book last year (I knew about the flash fiction one from 2020), congratulations.

 

[redhead]

Hi, fellow WLFians!

I was very sad without the forum, I checked on it every day. Does anyone know what happened?

I am excited because the forum reopened and on the same day an italian (but multilingual) literary magazine published a very short story of mine, both in English and Spanish versions. I made the translation myself, so I hope I haven't messed anything up ?

EL REY LEPROSO by Leopoldo Orozco — HookMagazine

El día ya había terminado cuando me fue posible la entrada en sus aposentos. Al percatarse de la forma de mi nariz y la tonalidad de mi piel, los guardias auscultaron mi túnica en busca de cuchillos o pócimas letales, pensando que tal vez podría ser un enviado del rey sarraceno. A pesar de mi salvoc

www.hookliterarymagazine.com

Hope y'all like it! I'm eager to read your thoughts.

Congrats! I really liked it. As others said, it’s uncanny and reminiscent of Borges. And congrats too about your other fiction—I didn’t know you wrote!

 

[Ludus]

I read both versions and I liked it very much. There is something uncanny about this character and the whole story. It seems everything has opposite meanings and that results in the tension of the story.

¡Gracias, Les! Thanks for your comment. I didn't know you read Spanish! That's awesome.

 

[Ludus]

Loved it. This is my kind of stuff. So many things to talk about in these few paragraphs.
Congratulations, Luduspoldo! I hope to read more from you in the future, please do share with us your next writings.

Thanks, Doug! I specially wanted to share this one for the translation, I hope I can translate more of my stuff soon!

 

[Ludus]

I noticed some influence of gothic literature (Jane Austen, George Elliot and Mary Shelley) and, principally, the conciseness of Jorge Luís Borges, Júlio Cortázar, Ernesto Sábato, Victoria Ocampo, Júlio Ramón Ribeyro, Juan Rulfo, Carlos Fuentes and Donald Barthelme, @Ludus.
The minimalism is notorious in your short story and it's very dense in the same way.

An advice? Go ahead, bro!

Wow! Thanks for your kind words! I always remember what Horacio Quiroga said in his guide on how to write short stories: "believe in a master ---Poe, Maupassant, Kipling, Poe--- as in God himself". Your list include some of my personal gods! I think that's a very fun thing about writing, through your work you can communicate with people who like to read the same stuff you love.

 

[Ludus]

Your story is good, thanks for sharing it with us! Also reminded me a bit of Borges.

I didn't know you published another book last year (I knew about the flash fiction one from 2020), congratulations.

Thank you for your reading, V! Borges is one of my all time favs

Yes, that new one is a very small collection of personal essays in Spanish. It can be read for free through this link!

Cinco autorretratos en ausencia - Leopoldo Orozco

Colección de la caja de cerillos 8 | Cinco autorretratos en ausencia - Leopoldo Orozco

issuu.com

 

[Ludus]

Congrats! I really liked it. As others said, it’s uncanny and reminiscent of Borges. And congrats too about your other fiction—I didn’t know you wrote!

Thank you for reading, Red! Yes, I've published a short book of flash fiction and an even shorter book of small essays, both in Spanish, and a few pieces in magazines. I hope I can get some of it translated soon!

 

[Leseratte]

¡Gracias, Les! Thanks for your comment. I didn't know you read Spanish! That's awesome.

Amo el idioma español, Leo, todavia hoy dia solamente lo leo. Lo que passa a nosotros que vivimos en Brasil es que vivimos bajo la ilusión de hablar español, quando en verdad lo que hablamos es el màs puro portuñol!

 

[Leseratte]

Thank you for your reading, V! Borges is one of my all time favs ♥

Yes, that new one is a very small collection of personal essays in Spanish. It can be read for free through this link!

Cinco autorretratos en ausencia - Leopoldo Orozco

Colección de la caja de cerillos 8 | Cinco autorretratos en ausencia - Leopoldo Orozco

issuu.com

Link saved!